What twelve years of state education gets you…

IT was quite wrong of the sports desk at our paper not to publish a letter from a reader this week. I argued for its inclusion but they blamed space constraints. It arrived in response to a piece I wrote before Wimbledon had started about a perceived lack of enthusiasm for Andy Murray. Rather than slate him, the idea was that we should actually give him more credit for being the fourth best in the world at something – because me and you sure as hell aren’t. There’s nothing I’m the fourth best in the world at. And if people want more flair from him, they could think how flair often translates as kicking line judges up in the air. Any road, here’s the text of the fanmail (skip to paragraph four for analysis of the newspaper industry):

By writing to you, I will have doubled the response you have received so far to your article in the highly esteemed Islington Tribune. You 
can now show your editor that you have two replies… the other being from yourself under another email address. 


A more bird brain article re Andy Murray I have never read. Is this what twelve years or so of state education has produced? First, how do you know that there is no enthusiasm about Murray’s Wimbledon campaign? When you state ‘nobody seriously believes that Murray can ever win a big one’…who are you talking about exactly? Who are those people you’ve spoken to and how do you know the thoughts of those you have not spoken to? 
So you believe Murray’s a grump and a sourpuss. What a wonderful vocabulary you possess.

He lacks spark and flair you say and then you tell us ‘the truth’. He is a bore and has a monotone voice. You call him Muzza. 
Because he doesn’t bobble up and down, crack a little joke and say all 
the politically correct things which nauseate intelligent people, 
clowns like you put this down to ‘boring’ . Because he doesn’t say all the right things one does when one hopes to get a job as a pundit for some media when his playing days are over, he is not worthy of winning  a major competition. 


You studied for a career in a dying industry and when you finished 
 your little studies you found a job with a free newspaper that people 
only get when they need to find a local removal man with a van.

Did 
you ever stop and think that perhaps his demeanour may have been honed 
when he was in the classroom next door when a gunman shot sixteen of 
his class mates? You are a silly chap and I don’t normally bother with media tripe these days but I’m bored today. Tell me ‘Rizza’, you are not at all good looking and you are as bald as a coot, so why the picture?




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2 replies

  1. This rant has the hallmarks of the anonymous letter I got a few years ago…

    Dear Mr Foot,
    I can only assume your deadline was fast approaching and you needed to fill your quota for the day…your article on Parliament Hill’s £7000 trip to the seaside was so spectacularly poor you must have been under considerable pressure; either that or you’re hoping that “The Star” will look at your piece and decide they don’t quite have enough ill-informed, cheap hacks on their writing staff. To fully dissect the piece would take more time than I’m comfortable wasting on you but sufficed to say it seems as though you had 3 articles part-written and decided to lump them all together, toss the words around and hope it made sense. It didn’t.
    Top work Mr Foot, you really are quite the sleuth and if you consider asparagus to be “gourmet” i suggest you alter your diet and move swiftly away from your daily diet of Zinger Burgers and McMuffins. If you feel you’re missing out however, asparagus is quite cheap in Tesco right now…
    However, more than anything else here, shame on you Mr Foot for your inept, potentially harmful, poorly researched, appallingly-written “No News” story. One can only assume that all your friends from Journalism school managed to live out their dreams at the tabloids while you slum it in local news. However, you are as hilarious as you are incompetent, so for the tremendous chuckle you have given me today, I salute you. Should I ever be commissioned to write a poor quality sitcom set in a newsroom, I’ll be sure to track you down and offer you the position of “Chief Researcher”…I’m sure having never done any proper research during your career you’ll find it a refreshing break from the norm.

  2. I hope he found his local removal man with a van.

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